One day, I was driving to work, and a sudden feeling started to come about. I deeply miss my husband. But I just saw him this morning. And I sat down to watch a tv show with him last night. But it wasn’t that I missed seeing my husband. I missed connecting with him, laughing and spending time with him outside of our daily routine. I longed for my husband’s friendship.
Sometimes life gets in the way, and you feel the pressures of work, children, household responsibilities, and friends outside of your marriage, and you suddenly realize that you feel disconnected from the one friendship that should remain constant and strong – the friendship with your spouse. Here I will discuss 12 simple ways that you can reconnect with your husband and be your husband’s best friend again.
How can I strengthen my marriage?
The best way to strengthen your marriage is by seeing your husband as your friend and supporter, not your enemy. Marriage can be tough, and at times, there can be rough patches that cause us to distance ourselves (physically, mentally, emotionally) from each other. But when we distance ourselves from our spouse, we lose that connection, that friendship, that keeps our bond strong.
There are many little things that we can do to strengthen our marriage, but it all comes down to being your husband’s best friend.
How do I become my husband’s best friend?
To be your husband’s best friend, you have to first desire to be friends with him. Once you have that desire or will, you can proceed with just some of the basic ways that you would normally become friends with someone. Here are 12 simple ways to pursue a friendship with your husband:
1. Establish a time each week to spend quality time together.
The most important way for you to develop a friendship is by actually spending some uninterrupted quality time with your husband. When you have kids and a hectic schedule, this can sometimes be a little tricky. But sit down and establish at least one time each week where you carve out some time for each other, alone, and guard it like a dog.
2. Establish some daily habits that you can do together.
Another way to be your husband’s best friend is by finding small ways throughout the day to include each other. The easiest way to do this is by including your husband in a daily habit. Do you load up a load of laundry every day? Ask your husband for his help with folding the laundry while you talk about your day. Does your husband do dishes every night? Help him load the dishwasher or dry the dishes for him while y’all talk about ideas and plans you may have. Praying together is a really great habit to pick up, as it connects you on a much deeper, spiritual level than anything else.
3. Take an interest in your husband’s hobbies, and join him.
Is your husband a gamer? Or is he into a particular show? Sit down with him, watch it with him or pick up a controller and ask to play. If you show that you’re interested in, he’ll be ecstatic for you to join. And one of the most integral parts of a friendship is playing together.
My husband loves to play video games, and he’s told me how much he loves playing with me. If you’re like me, you probably feel like you don’t have the time anymore to sit and play, because you barely even have time for yourself. But you don’t have to sacrifice your total self.
After the kids are in bed, instead of going to read a book or take care of a chore, sit down and play a game with your husband for an hour. It doesn’t even have to be that long if you don’t have a lot of time. Just tell him you’re interested, but only have a little time to play. Set the expectations ahead of time and go kill some orcs together!
4. Explore some common interests to do together.
Try new things together! Take a dance class, attend an event, or learn to cook an awesome meal from scratch. Anything, as long as you’re discovering something new together. Who knows, you may totally fail and end up laughing most of the time, or find a new hobby that you continue to do. Either way, it’s all about making memories.
5. Communicate honestly, kindly, and effectively.
Communication is absolutely key for any friendship, especially with your husband. Be honest, yet kind to your husband when you need to address something. Avoid saying every single critical thought that comes to your mind. If you need to address something that’s critical, do so in a way that is respectful and kind, that focuses on your needs and concerns that you have rather than what he may be doing wrong or needs to change. Proverbs 15:1 is right when it says “A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
6. Forgive and let go of resentment and fear.
You can’t have a flourishing and fun relationship with someone if you’re holding unforgiveness and resentment toward them. It’s time to forgive your husband for that thing he did, release him from the hurt he caused, and truly let go of feeling hurt.
Let me tell you, I’m the queen of holding onto resentment. When we first got married, I held onto the hurt I felt from when my husband tried to please everyone but me during our wedding planning. And I held onto it for a long time, until one day, when my mother in law and I were carpooling for a Bible study together and she told me about the resentment she held onto for so long, and how it damaged her marriage for a while. She had no idea the pain I was holding onto, but it was that day that I decided to finally let go of my bitterness and forgive my husband once and for all.
And sometimes, a situation may come about and you think you forgave your husband long ago, and maybe you did, but you’re living in fear that the mistake will happen again. I’m not talking about abuse or unfaithfulness in a marriage. I’m talking about things like your husband agreeing to something before consulting you, or putting you in a position where you’re feeling overwhelmed and he’s not helping.
Let go of that fear, and trust that your husband learned from past mistakes. If he doesn’t, then that is when you need to address it. But don’t address it before he has a chance to make the right decision out of fear that he’ll make the wrong one. Trust me, I know.
7. Expect the best of him.
This goes hand in hand with the last one. Expect the best out of your husband. If you automatically assume or fear the worst, you will either get that from him, or you’ll start an argument. Trust your husband and trust God that He put a capable and good man into your life.
8. Love on and care for him.
The most important aspect of being your husband’s best friend is showing your love and care for him. I try to regularly show that I love and care about my girl friends. And my husband is no exception. Show your husband that you love him in ways he likes to be loved.
9. Serve your spouse.
As Christ followers, we are to serve those around us. Even Jesus, our wonderful King, had a servant spirit. This heart attitude of serving starts at home with your family, in particular, with your husband. Help your husband and focus on his needs. Just as you need him, he needs you.
10. Respect him.
Respect is so important to a man. There’s a reason why in Ephesians 5:33 wives are instructed to respect their husbands. Don’t belittle or ridicule him, or treat him like a child. And listen to him when he talks to you. Don’t roll your eyes or dismiss him. Hear him out and listen to his concerns.
11. Laugh together and enjoy small moments together.
Laughter is medicine for the soul. Having your own inside jokes with each other and laughing together is one of the best things in a marriage! Joke with one another, be silly, enjoy a comedy, have a pillow or tickle fight. Just enjoy the small moments of laughing together and being in each other’s company.
12. Be intimate.
What moments are the ones that you feel the closest to your husband? When you have a moment to be truly alone with your spouse, to be real, you can open up and reveal just how he makes your heart beat fast, or how proud of him you are. Be his confidant and lover and express how much he means to you.